well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
