I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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