HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
