weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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