My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
