hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
