I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
