Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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