you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
