If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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