My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
