Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize