but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
