After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
