her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You have to summon your inner elephant
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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