Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
