There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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