i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
