we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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