dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
