Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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