I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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