i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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