He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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