I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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