Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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