She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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