mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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