the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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