Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
