Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
