Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
