it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
