Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
