I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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