Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
