Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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