I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
