ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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