If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I believe in your delicious
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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