i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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