How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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