we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
