you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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