we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
