Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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