sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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