It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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