I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
