Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
