it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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