Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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