420 ftw
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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