sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
