thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We left an ass print on the piano.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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