Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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