You made me cry and you don't even care
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
