that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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